Walkin' on the Bike Course

Liner Notes:Another one born out of the hills of Phuket. At least that's what I'm lead to believe. Rumor has it that one member of the team wound up joining numerous others and pushing his bike up one of the incredibly steep hills of the "Tiger's Back" portion of the challenging Phuket Triathlon Bike Course. Actually, it's not a rumor, it was caught on film by the race photographer. In any case, this song is a tribute to the un-named racer written by his more able-bodied teammate who actually managed to stay on his bike for all of the hills.

(wicked bass intro)

there's a new race in town
and I don't know what it's all about
but I cannot be left in the cold
so I sign up online, Visa Gold

I go to the website, hey hey
says the bike course is TBA
but I don't care what I find on race day
as long as there is no elevation gain

exit the swim with the leading pack
toss my goggles, ply my bike off the rack
and as I set out into the morning sun
I wonder if these suckers know what's to come

cuz everybody knows I bring my game
can even beat a pro if the course is tame
but a big climb can bring me chills
because I cannot ride my bike up a hill

I'm walkin' on the bike course
walkin' on the bike course (two feet)
an elevation nightmare
a two-foot climb into the thin air
I'm walking on the bike course

(smokin' solo)

as the crest finally appears
I can safely remount my carbon steer
now I set my sights on that teenage tyke
the one who just passed me on her mountain bike

I hit 40 MPH going down
my disc wheel makin that helicopter sound 
like a freightrain on a lightening track
haulin ass as long as the road stays flat

when I turn the corner, what do I see? 
another freakin mountain to punish me
I slam into my granny and start to spin
this 9 percent grade will surely be my end

I'm walking on the bike course
walking on the bike course (two feet)
elevation nightmare 
a two-foot climb into the thin air

walking on the bike course
walking on the bike course (head down)
a lactic acid catastrophe
my climbing legs officially have left me
I'm walking on the bike course

Two feet
Shake and bake